The Esoteric Order

Picking up where Neysa dropped the soap…

by Burphel . October 24th, 2009

Ok, so we haven’t posted in a while. We’ve been too busy kicking names and taking ass. Here’s a little summary of what we’ve been up to over the summer:

Naxx is clear. At this point, so clear nobody wants to do it on mains unless we blackmail them with pictures of the holiday they spent with Terry’s goat at Hedonism II. I’m looking at you and your umbrella drinks, Ed. And your mother would be very disappointed.

Malygos has skipped farm status and moved straight to gutterporn status. That’s not a food table. That’s lube and lotion. If you have to ask what the giant penguin is for, you owe it to yourself to attend one of Marie’s tea parties.

But that’s ancient history. Of more recent import, we’ve been plowing our way to Crazy Cat Lady in Ulduar, and have even managed to smack down Thorim once or twice on good nights. Of course any night when we get to be on the receiving end of a cattle prod is a good night. The pictures of those kills were on the hard drive the FBI took, sorry. Here’s some snapshots from along the way.

Jailbait XT-002:

And the gnomes rejoiced.

The handjob king:

And the gnomes started giving out hummers.

And our most recent triumph, the slaying of Koralon. Accomplished in classic EO first kill idiom:

One of these days, they’ll just code a boss to kill Terry immedieately, and we’ll be stuck forever.

Oh, and if none of this shit scares you, we’re recruiting.
Talk to Nakath in game or ask anybody in EO if the janitor is available.

I TOLD you I’d shoot—but YOU DIDN’T BELIEVE ME!

by Neysa . February 3rd, 2009

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That’s right, you rotted mutha fukka, you be dead. We got him down with under a minute remaining after several abortive attempts, but we did it. Grats guys. Lower Naxx 25 is now cleared; let’s go kill a dwagon.

Carl and I couldn’t wait, though; after everyone headed on out for the night he and I paid a little visit to the icy bitch.

Next time, gadget! Next tiiiiiiiiiiiiime…..

Palabra Jot, yo.

NeysaDan

Back in Business, and Business is Booming.

by Neysa . February 1st, 2009

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It’s often said that no news is good news, and I would have to say that holds true for us. We’ve been so busy beating content to death with its own severed arm while it begs us to tell its children it loves them and would we please give its love to its wife and possibly a sympathy fuck because OH MY GOD SHE WILL BE SO LONELY and please use protection because she’s got the clap and it doesn’t want us to burn when we pee and yes she like anal please try it, that we’ve had little time for updates.

But I’ll rub one out here real quick for all of you that have been waiting with baited breath to learn of the continuing exploits of your favorite rapscallions.

Since our last update we’ve put 25 man Sartharion on Farm status, are one boss short of clearing all four wings of 25 man Naxx, and we’ve been slaughtering Heroics to the point of farming them for achievements. It’s fun, it’s a party, it’s EO.

Note that Gary is riding Piggy Back on John; he falls asleep topping the dps charts and we had to put him in a snuggly. We keep him well fed and happy so that he’ll keep making the bad guys fall down. We like when the bad guys go face down ass up with a flower in it, and to do that we gotta keep the talent happy.

EO fans from The previous expansion may be thinking right about now “But wait, NeysaDan, are you telling me that EO is now decisively defeating the baddies without the comic antics that make EO the great guild it is? I say HELL FUCK NO. Observe this kill of Grobulus which harkens back to the glorious Phyrric days of yesteryear.

Go Derek! way to outlive the raid and the mob at the same time; that’s one holy hell of a damn magic trick. I think I’ve only seen a boss victory like this… well… never.

One more boss (Thadius) and we’ve cleared lower 25 Naxx. We’ve got most of our key players in frost gear and we’ll be feeding the dwagon his own tail in short order, followed shortly by the man who couldn’t die, Kelly-Kelly-Kelly-Kelly.

And furthermore, I would be remiss to neglect to mention that in the meantime, we’ve beaten 25 man Arch with minutes to spare on the battlefield timer; whether or not that means anything we thought it was pretty damn cool, and so do you. Six minutes entry to dead, it was like 25 little Jack Bauers decided to cut the crap and get down to business. We are the kings of corruption. No, I do not have a screenshot. Yes, you have no choice but to believe me. I have space boots, so suck it.

In other news, Todd was seen the other day enagaged in OH MY GOD CHOPPY GOT OUT WHOEVER WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR HER RESTRAINTS IS FIRED I’M NOT EVEN FUCKING JOKING GET HER BACK NOW

Oh dear sweet jesus no, she doesn’t even have her helmet on…I can’t look…this is a catastrophe… I mean, it’s bad enough that she split open her head Druid surfing and became a Death Knight just before the battle of Light’s Hope Chapel (I heard she killed dozens of scourge by accident because they looked like they wanted to “play”), but now she’s storming the undercity alone because it looks like a peanut.

Lord give me strength not to smother her in her sleep…

The King contacted me personally after this battle and asked me if “this thing was mine,” and if he sees “it” in his road one more time he’s going to murder my entire family and make me watch. Do you think a jury would consider this a motive if she suddenly suffered “SIDS”?

Oh no, not again…well at least it should keep her safe for the time being….